last day of school! last day of school! yes, I do feel terribly childish for chanting this during my [last] drive to class today. However, I have been looking forward to this day since the second week of the semester...think back to the month of January. The reason? I am lost. Seriously lost. I am taking out loan after loan for school, when I have no direction whatsoever. I do not have a career path, I have no interest in a certain subject and I have no motivation to continue with college.
ask me what i wanted to do... say back in high school. I worked my butt off for the high school yearbook, and was granted the 'editor' title my senior year. I could write a copy block in a matter of minutes, and have it up to publish-able level in a few days. My passion was for everything journalism. Writing, photography, design and the leadership and responsibilities I used to guide my staff. I was learning APStyle like the back of my hand, I could look at a spread and instantly point out errors and come up with a title and sub title within a matter of minutes. I loved what I was doing and planned to continue through college and into life as a bona fide journalism nerd.
what happened? Well, I took time off of school once graduating, and lost my touch (as you can tell while reading my blogs.) I forgot the simplest journalism skills and felt like a newbie. When I started at IUPUI last January my J100 class was not what I was expecting. I wanted deadlines, newsworthy stories and something to show at the end of the semester for my hard work. None of this happened and I gave up on my dreams in journalism. Since then, I have found nothing to capture my interest class-wise. I felt let down when I could find no help from IUPUI, no offense Jaguars, and ended up taking random classes last fall and this spring.
My momentum has fallen downhill since last August, and plummeted completely this past February. When burying my ex, I was listing his accomplishments in my head. I was also going through the goals he and I had set during our relationship, and cried for the loss of them. If I died tomorrow, would I have done what I wanted? Heck no I wouldn't! I would be miserably taking random class after class, terrified to take more time off and get the student loan bill. As backwards as it sounds, it's cheaper to stay in school and take out loans drop out and start paying the bill. So I started thinking about my future, what each class would represent when it came down to my major. First off, anyone who saw what I had taken would say I was pretty damn diversified. So I am sticking to general studies. It can be fit into numerous profiles and gives me the chance to explore every type of subject offered. I am transferring to Ivy Tech in the fall in order to save money and take more classes at a time. I figure if I am going to blow loan money, I might as well blow less of it.
today's point? Honestly, I am not sure. This is one of those random blogs I am instructed by my therapist to write when I am feeling the need to share. Today has helped me in convincing myself that I am doing the right thing school wise. I am going to have a goal next semester and I plan on sticking to it 100 percent. I am going to spend my summer working, hanging out with friends and family, getting my kiddos once a week (no, not my legit kids, don't worry friends!) and learning to be myself again. Once August comes around, I will be prepared this time. When I finally graduate from college I will be able to add it to my done list, my "if I died tomorrow" list, my bucket list. For now, let the summer games begin!